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personalapocalypse2013-07-18 01:53 pm
wallwalker) wrote in personalapocalypse2013-07-18 01:53 pm
Kira recaps FFVII, part 1
Kira the Hippo recaps FFVII, part 1. (I haven't played through it very far yet, because I've been pretty busy. I'll have more free time in a couple of weeks!)
Hippo Of The Month by ~FanaticalOne on deviantART
"OK, so we’ve been playing this game, and it’s pretty cool so far! Apparently I’m a spiky-headed guy named Cloud with a really big sword who had to blow some stuff up, but the stuff is made by this company called Shinra and they’re killing the planet, so we had to do it. And we’re in a city with a big plate on top, and I’m working with this group called AVALANCHE who are these three cute teenagers or something and this big black guy named Barret with a gun for an arm and some really bad anger issues, like the kind of anger issues where he just threw a guy against a wall! And Barret has, like, a girlfriend or something named Tifa who knew Cloud, and a little daughter who apparently knows how to run a bar! And he’s kind of a jerk sometimes because he complains about Cloud only wanting money even though he’s a mercenary and he charged into Tifa’s bar and fired a bunch of shots and scared everyone off. He needs to deal with his anger issues! Tifa can calm him down, though. I think maybe they’re married!? I mean, they act like they’re married! They’ve got a punching bags and weights in the secret room in her bar, so I bet they work out together! That’s awesome.
"Anyway, Tifa convinces Cloud to stay and help them out with blowing up more stuff, even though Tifa and her hubby are just as strong as he is and can kick way more butt! But then the guy in charge of bad stuff shows up and tries to blow them up and Cloud acts all tough but then falls down! Tifa almost falls down too, but Barret grabs her before she can! Whew!
"So then Cloud makes a new friend who’s a pretty girl who flirts with him a lot, but he doesn’t seem to get it, because he’s just gotten hit in the head and doesn’t really remember her, even though she must be pretty important because she showed up before the game started! And she says her name is Aeris and that some guys in suits are trying to make her become a soldier, or maybe something else. So I - um, I mean, Cloud - tried to help her out but didn’t know what to do with a couple of the barrels, so she ended up having to fight some of the soldiers off herself, and she kicked their butts! I don’t know why these girls need Cloud to protect them! They’re way stronger than he is!
"And so he and Aeris go off, and Aeris goes and sneaks off away from her mom so that she can get him back to the bar! Only just before they get there they see Tifa in the back of a carriage in a pretty blue dress, and they follow her and fight a bunch of weird houses and end up in a weird place where people act really sketchy. And the only way Cloud can see Tifa there is if he dresses up as a lady and sneaks in somewhere, so he has to get a pretty dress! And he has to beat some guy in a workout to get a wig! I’m all for working out, especially if you get a cool wig out of it! Not that I’d know, because hippos don’t have hair, but you know! Oh, and he had to hang out with some guys to get some more costume and get a pretty tiara and makeup and some perfume and stuff, and when they finally met Tifa they decided to all three go and confront the jerk who wanted Tifa. They made it sound like he wanted to find a girlfriend, but he just would pick one girl and then let the guys who worked for him have the rest. What a jerk! I think maybe Tifa snuck away from Barret to do that, because I think that maybe Barret would’ve been pretty mad if that guy had tried to do anything to Tifa, 'cuz he likes to throw stuff around. But she and Aeris didn’t have any trouble beating up the guys who tried to hurt them, because they got sent off together and Cloud ended up having to deal with the big boss! (Oh, and Cloud said Barret was his boyfriend. Don’t let Tifa hear about that, Cloud!)
"Anyway, there’s this really bad plan that this guy tells us about before he throws us in the sewers. They’re gonna make Sector 7 where the bar is not disappear anymore! Smash! So we get out of the sewers and find our way back and find Barret and all the other kids, and the teenagers are fighting but they’re all hurt and can’t run away. Waaaah! I didn’t want them to die! But the stupid Turks who were chasing Aeris set up the pillar to blow up when we tried to stop it from blowing up, and then grabbed Aeris and slapped her around and flew her away! But Barret’s little girl was okay! Yay! And then we found out Aeris can hear dead people or something and she can go to a place called the Promised Land! And she apparently liked Cloud, because Marlene said so, but Cloud’s kind of not good at that stuff so he didn’t get it. Marlene called him a dummy for that!
"Anyway, we all busted into the Shinra Tower place and started fighting people and tried to get treasure and stuff, and there was a creepy guy who called her a "specimen" and trying to do stuff that made me really mad! But then there was another specimen (he called her that a lot) who attacked him and gave us time to fight off the other thing that got in our way, and scared the creepy man away. I called him Firecat, because he said he didn’t care what we called him, and he looked like a cat! On fire! Anyway, there was also a creepy woman who had eyes in places where she shouldn’t have had eyes and no head, and she was in some kind of tank. I think maybe she was dead. Ew! So anyway, we got Aeris and we were gonna go out, but Cloud tried to take the elevator, and then we found out that they knew all along we were in their tower and just wanted to troll us. Jerks! So the President told us we were gonna be killed and that the public would think that AVALANCHE smooshed Sector 7, and that Aeris was gonna end up helping him find the Promised Land. Oh, no! So we got stuck in some holding cells! I didn’t know what we were gonna do!
"And… I think I’m gonna tell you the rest of this tomorrow, because Mom and I are pretty tired and oughta get some sleep. I just hope she finishes her homework so that she can play more soon!"
Hippo Of The Month by ~FanaticalOne on deviantART
"OK, so we’ve been playing this game, and it’s pretty cool so far! Apparently I’m a spiky-headed guy named Cloud with a really big sword who had to blow some stuff up, but the stuff is made by this company called Shinra and they’re killing the planet, so we had to do it. And we’re in a city with a big plate on top, and I’m working with this group called AVALANCHE who are these three cute teenagers or something and this big black guy named Barret with a gun for an arm and some really bad anger issues, like the kind of anger issues where he just threw a guy against a wall! And Barret has, like, a girlfriend or something named Tifa who knew Cloud, and a little daughter who apparently knows how to run a bar! And he’s kind of a jerk sometimes because he complains about Cloud only wanting money even though he’s a mercenary and he charged into Tifa’s bar and fired a bunch of shots and scared everyone off. He needs to deal with his anger issues! Tifa can calm him down, though. I think maybe they’re married!? I mean, they act like they’re married! They’ve got a punching bags and weights in the secret room in her bar, so I bet they work out together! That’s awesome.
"Anyway, Tifa convinces Cloud to stay and help them out with blowing up more stuff, even though Tifa and her hubby are just as strong as he is and can kick way more butt! But then the guy in charge of bad stuff shows up and tries to blow them up and Cloud acts all tough but then falls down! Tifa almost falls down too, but Barret grabs her before she can! Whew!
"So then Cloud makes a new friend who’s a pretty girl who flirts with him a lot, but he doesn’t seem to get it, because he’s just gotten hit in the head and doesn’t really remember her, even though she must be pretty important because she showed up before the game started! And she says her name is Aeris and that some guys in suits are trying to make her become a soldier, or maybe something else. So I - um, I mean, Cloud - tried to help her out but didn’t know what to do with a couple of the barrels, so she ended up having to fight some of the soldiers off herself, and she kicked their butts! I don’t know why these girls need Cloud to protect them! They’re way stronger than he is!
"And so he and Aeris go off, and Aeris goes and sneaks off away from her mom so that she can get him back to the bar! Only just before they get there they see Tifa in the back of a carriage in a pretty blue dress, and they follow her and fight a bunch of weird houses and end up in a weird place where people act really sketchy. And the only way Cloud can see Tifa there is if he dresses up as a lady and sneaks in somewhere, so he has to get a pretty dress! And he has to beat some guy in a workout to get a wig! I’m all for working out, especially if you get a cool wig out of it! Not that I’d know, because hippos don’t have hair, but you know! Oh, and he had to hang out with some guys to get some more costume and get a pretty tiara and makeup and some perfume and stuff, and when they finally met Tifa they decided to all three go and confront the jerk who wanted Tifa. They made it sound like he wanted to find a girlfriend, but he just would pick one girl and then let the guys who worked for him have the rest. What a jerk! I think maybe Tifa snuck away from Barret to do that, because I think that maybe Barret would’ve been pretty mad if that guy had tried to do anything to Tifa, 'cuz he likes to throw stuff around. But she and Aeris didn’t have any trouble beating up the guys who tried to hurt them, because they got sent off together and Cloud ended up having to deal with the big boss! (Oh, and Cloud said Barret was his boyfriend. Don’t let Tifa hear about that, Cloud!)
"Anyway, there’s this really bad plan that this guy tells us about before he throws us in the sewers. They’re gonna make Sector 7 where the bar is not disappear anymore! Smash! So we get out of the sewers and find our way back and find Barret and all the other kids, and the teenagers are fighting but they’re all hurt and can’t run away. Waaaah! I didn’t want them to die! But the stupid Turks who were chasing Aeris set up the pillar to blow up when we tried to stop it from blowing up, and then grabbed Aeris and slapped her around and flew her away! But Barret’s little girl was okay! Yay! And then we found out Aeris can hear dead people or something and she can go to a place called the Promised Land! And she apparently liked Cloud, because Marlene said so, but Cloud’s kind of not good at that stuff so he didn’t get it. Marlene called him a dummy for that!
"Anyway, we all busted into the Shinra Tower place and started fighting people and tried to get treasure and stuff, and there was a creepy guy who called her a "specimen" and trying to do stuff that made me really mad! But then there was another specimen (he called her that a lot) who attacked him and gave us time to fight off the other thing that got in our way, and scared the creepy man away. I called him Firecat, because he said he didn’t care what we called him, and he looked like a cat! On fire! Anyway, there was also a creepy woman who had eyes in places where she shouldn’t have had eyes and no head, and she was in some kind of tank. I think maybe she was dead. Ew! So anyway, we got Aeris and we were gonna go out, but Cloud tried to take the elevator, and then we found out that they knew all along we were in their tower and just wanted to troll us. Jerks! So the President told us we were gonna be killed and that the public would think that AVALANCHE smooshed Sector 7, and that Aeris was gonna end up helping him find the Promised Land. Oh, no! So we got stuck in some holding cells! I didn’t know what we were gonna do!
"And… I think I’m gonna tell you the rest of this tomorrow, because Mom and I are pretty tired and oughta get some sleep. I just hope she finishes her homework so that she can play more soon!"